


Double Stupid

by parentaladvisorybullshitcontent



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Bickering, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-28
Updated: 2020-05-28
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:08:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24422524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/parentaladvisorybullshitcontent/pseuds/parentaladvisorybullshitcontent
Summary: "What are you doing?""Ner ner ner, what are you doing," Dan repeats in a stupid voice. "Trying to make you look less like a massive sheep's been grazing on your head. You're welcome."The aftermath of Phil's haircut. In which Dan tries to fix it.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 11
Kudos: 154





	Double Stupid

**Author's Note:**

> God, that video was so funny. The content, we have been blessed. I had to write this.
> 
> Andrea provided important feedback and help on this and for that I am forever indebted, go and follow midnightradio on tumblr for top japes <3

"You are so stupid," Dan says, gently fluffing a hand through Phil's hair.

  
"What does that make you? Double stupid?"

  
"How am _I_ double stupid when you're the one who looks like _that_?" 

  
They're in the living room, which is probably a decision they'll regret later - Dan sitting on the sofa with the scissors, and Phil on the floor between his knees. Phil's pretty sure his hair's beyond help, but Dan had insisted.

  
As if on cue, he snips with the scissors.

  
"What are you doing?"

  
" _Ner ner ner, what are you doing,_ " Dan repeats in a stupid voice. "Trying to make you look less like a massive sheep's been grazing on your head. You're _welcome_. God, stay _still_."

  
"The hair's _itchy_."

  
"Should've worn the hairdressing robe thing." Another snip. "You can hoover all that up later."

  
"Rock paper scissors you for it?"

  
Dan laughs.

  
"In your fucking dreams, _mate_." But he stops snipping for a second and strokes Phil's bare shoulder, little circular touches that make him shudder, all the way down his spine. "I mean, it's a good video idea."

  
"Yeah?" 

  
"Yeah. You gonna clickbait it?"

  
"I don't think I need to. It looks horrible."

  
"God, you could've watched one tutorial. You're bald here, you know that?" Dan pokes at a spot just above his ear that, admittedly, is feeling a little colder than it had this time yesterday. "Why's it so much shorter in some places than others? What did you _do_?"

  
"Like you would've done a better job."

  
"I absolutely wouldn't have, but which one of us still has a full head of hair right now? Oh yeah, it's me."

  
"I'll shave your head while you're asleep."

  
"Lying to yourself. You'd miss the floof too much."

  
"Floof," Phil repeats, absently. 

  
He does like Dan's hair now that it's getting longer, even though Dan hates it. There's something lovely about how soft it is under his fingers. They'd been watching TV a few days ago and Dan had pillowed his head on Phil's thigh, playing some game on his phone. Phil had just gently pulled strands of his hair straight and let them go again, lost in his own little world, TV burbling away in the background.

  
"Gonna have to cut it eventually. As soon as it starts touching my neck more than it already is, I'm shaving it."

  
"Right, yeah," Phil says, skeptically. "And end up like this?"

  
Dan laughs.

  
"No, 'cause I'll actually use my _brain_. This is such a mess, Phil." He runs a hand across Phil's back, brushing the hair away. "I think I've done as much as I can do without making it worse. You should go and shower, I'll hoover this up."

  
Phil tilts his head back until he can look Dan in the eye properly.

  
"Thought _I_ was hoovering."

  
"Yeah, well," Dan huffs. "You've already got a breakdown haircut. Feels unfair to make you suffer more."

  
Phil breathes out a laugh.

  
"You love me."

  
"You're so stupid," Dan says, but he brushes Phil's hair back and kisses him on the forehead. "Yeah, I do. You're right, I really _am_ double stupid. Now go and shower, you're all prickly."

  
"Like a cactus," Phil says, scrambling to his feet.

  
"Like _your mum's_ cactus."

  
"Ha ha ha," Phil says automatically, voice heavy with sarcasm. "Hey. We can clean this up later? Shower with me."

  
Dan looks up at him, hair falling over his forehead, with this half-smile on his face. Phil loves that smile.

  
" _Rock paper scissors you for it_ ," He says in a voice that sounds nothing at all like Phil. He gets up all the same, abandoning the scissors and moves in close, running a hand down Phil's side. "God, it looks so _bad_."

  
"Stop," Phil says, but he can't help but laugh. "I'm developing a complex."

  
"You should," Dan says, grinning at him. "Look what you did to yourself."

  
But he kisses him all the same. His mouth's cold from the diet coke he's been drinking and Phil shudders, leaning into him.

  
"If I look so bad," Phil says, words a breath in the space between them. "Maybe we shouldn't."

  
"Fuck off," Dan says, kissing him again, hand hot on the side of his neck. "Even if you'd gone full Seth Everman I'd still want to. Even if...I dunno."

  
"Even if I had no head?"

  
" _What, no head?_ " Dan says, and laughs. 

  
Phil does too, rolling his eyes.

  
"At this rate _I'm_ gonna change _my_ mind."

  
"Oh, shut up," Dan says, slipping his hand into Phil's. "Let's go, come on. Your hair's all over me and I hate it."

  
"Such a romantic," Phil says, but he goes.


End file.
